This hilarious account of our G&T Weekend in Morocco by one of our favourite London-based revellers, Leon Miller.
I’m just going to put this out there: G&T Weekends are more than your typical holiday trip – they are a genuinely transformative experience!
Don’t believe me? Well, on the G&T Weekends’ recent outing, Easter in a Moroccan Villa, I became a pigeon, a shellfish, a cowboy, a turkey whisperer, a turtle and a prophet (and probably many more, less flattering things as well…)
My first incredible metamorphosis, into a pigeon (which, in this sense mean “easy mark” not “winged rat”), happened over the course of the entire weekend.
Despite the amazing advice of always-excellent hosts G and T (not to mention the ample street smarts of our local guides), it turns out I have zero survival skills within any environment reliant on bartering or tips – especially where an unfamiliar foreign currency is involved – so from the incredible sights and smells of our Marrakech Souks tour, to the sweaty vibes of Morocco’s two (and only?!) pumping night clubs, I pretty much got taken for everything I was worth (and loved every moment of it).
As to my conversion from man to shellfish, this was the (expected) result of a day spent poolside drinking and bantering with my fellow revellers at our stunning villa, sans one key ingredient: suncream (even though a tube was generously provided in my G&T welcome goodie bag). And so it was that, after several hours under the rays of the Moroccan sun, lobster was served.
You might think my next rebirth, as a cowboy, would have required horseback riding and lasso tossing, but it was actually the end product of post-rooftop cocktail party drinking shenanigans.
An inability to grasp the rules and a flurry of poor ping pong ball bounces confirmed once and for all that I am terrible at virtually every drinking game ever, and I unsurprisingly lost every round, leading my fellow revellers to repeatedly crown me the “Gaucho Man” - South American for “Cowboy” - and may I just say, “Heavy weighs the hangover”.
Hot on the heels of my turn as an honorary Argentinian cowpoke came a vocational shift to turkey whisperer. This took place at the tail end of our hike through the stunning Atlas Mountains, shortly before we sat down for a mouthwatering lunch of tagine prepared and served in the home of a local Berber family.
It was here that we encountered our feathered friends, and where a few of my fellow revellers and I discovered to our great surprise and enjoyment that we could actually speak their language (it’s also where, based off a few near-death experiences along the trail, that I decided to start a garage band called “Converse Death Slide”, but some things are best left unremarked upon).
In a Hollywood twist, that night I would transition from animal conversationalist to actual animal: a turtle. Following on from yet another delicious meal in our very own oasis backyard, another round of booze-fuelled shenanigans took place, and I shortly found myself bundled into a giant wicker basket, headed for the pool.
Fortunately, I managed to get my new woven home upturned before we arrived at the H20 (by reminding my over-excited revellers that murder is crime everywhere, including the Kingdom of Morocco), and I slowly made my way back across the lawn, safely nestled in my back-mounted “shell”.
My final transformation, into a white robed and head-dressed prophet, would fittingly arrive on our final night, when our G&T crew retired to the desert for a Moroccan dress-up themed dinner.
As I scrabbled up the rocky desert range slopes (wine glass in hand, natch) to see in the stunning sunset alongside my equally stunning-looking gang of revellers, I cut a somewhat biblical figure (or, at the very least, passed for a very friendly cult leader).
So there you have it – incontrovertible proof of the transformational powers of a G&T Weekends holiday trip.
Of course, there’s so much more to a trip like this than can really be expressed with mere words – most of all the new friendships made (our group of revellers have already planned our next catch up) – so many thanks to G and T for organising yet another fantastic weekend escape, and I hope to see you all there next time!